Gaining Momentum and Losing Weight

I have not posted in about 2 weeks. In the last two weeks my inner brat and I have been really up and down. After I lost my little Peanut I grieved for the next week and my inner brat definitely took over. I was not blogging and I was eating pretty much everything in sight. However, she and I sat down and had a good talk (and cry) about how I was feeling and I was able to help her realize that she really did want to be healthy. So...In the last week my brat and I have been pretty simpatico.

I have found that it is really important to still reward my inner brat for a job well done (just not with food). So, I’ve been letting her go to bed early and have time with her favorite TV programs. She is also really enjoying the weight loss and looking and feeling better!!! J

So far now I am down 7 pounds and feeling good about it.  I have been having my Herbalife shakes and then a healthy dinner with lean meats and lots of veggies. I’m still struggling with keeping active so that is my next goal.

Still having to wait to try again for a baby and feeling impatient. However, I have really been forced to lean on God and trust in his timing. I guess that is one of the blessings of going through trying times…there is not much left to distract you from realizing how much you really need God. It feels pretty good to be making him my main focus again. He is really growing me through these experiences.

I’ve been listening to “Before the Morning” by Josh Wilson a lot lately.  Here are some of the lyrics that have been a comfort to me:

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming.

Come on, you’ve got to wait for the light.
Press on and just fight the good fight,
because the pain you've been feeling,
is just the hurt before the healing.

The pain you've been feeling,
is just the dark before the morning

These words remind me that I’ve been through tough times before and I’ve always made it through to the other side where there is Joy and good things again.

Loss

I had two losses this week. We will start off with the good loss.  I had my weekly weigh in and am down 2.5 pounds from last Monday. I am very grateful for this loss. I still am working on taming my brat at night who wants to eat whatever she wants for dinner and then wants dessert. I have been very good about doing my two shakes a day however so I was still able to drop 2.5 pounds. I did not really exercise or do well at dinner though so my goal for this next week is to get dinner under control and to be more active.

My second loss this week was a tough one. Last night we lost our beautiful little guinea pig Peanut. Since we have not been blessed with children yet, our two guinea pigs have been our children. Peanut was such a blessing to my husband and I.  She had such a sweet and gentle spirit. We could just sit and cuddle her as long as we wanted and she would just snuggle into us and let us love on her as long as we wanted. When we were upset or sad we could just pick her up and feel so much better. My husband Steve was especially close to her and she would just sit and watch TV with him. About a month or two ago we discovered a tumor on her stomach and I believe that is what took her from us. She started to get really skinny (she was always the pudgier of the two) and we knew something was wrong. Yesterday she went downhill very fast starting in the morning and by 1:00 in the morning last night she left us. This has actually been one of the toughest losses of my life. It sounds silly to mourn over a guinea pig but she was truly my baby. There have already been quite a few tears shed by both my husband and myself and there will probably be a few more.

“Mommy loves you so much little Peanut! I am so blessed to have had you in my life and you will be in my heart forever. You are so missed!”

Baby Peanut the day we brought her home

Our little girl on her pumpkin

Peanut and Sassy opening presents

Peanut and Sassy in their Christmas hat

Our sweet little Peanut butt opening her stocking



Hostile Takeover

Wow...My inner brat is initiating a hostile takeover and has taken me prisoner! 

I really need to take a good look at what is really bothering me cause I have been a major munch monster.  I did great yesterday...until dinner. I had both of my shakes for breakfast and lunch and had my protein bars for snacks (yum) but then dinner hit!  I was not starving or anything but somehow I managed to inhale a huge Philly's Best sub and pizza fries!  Pizza fries???  Really???  What is that about!  I know that is not good for me or going to get me towards my goal! I also re-weighed myself today and I'm back up to where I started.  Either the scale was wrong on Wednesday when it said I lost 5 pounds or the Philly's Best night really did me in!

I always felt that I was rewarding myself after having a tough day by eating something that I love for dinner. It may have been "rewarding" for the 30 minutes that I was eating but right afterwards I felt crappy and today I feel guilty....hmmmm...not so rewarding.  Actually it feels more like a punishment. I think that the best reward would have been to have a healthy dinner and take a walk with my hubby. Maybe I'll try that tonight! :)

I love the idea of paying attention to my inner brat! I'm told I'm supposed to name her so let’s call her Fidget the Widget (*this was the name my daddy used to call me when I was a little girl).  Fidget really likes to be rewarded for a job well done and equally loves to tantrum when she is not happy. I've been working long hours with very little play time and I think that is one of the reason's Fidget is not happy. Fidget the Widget also wants to be skinny and healthy and to have a baby RIGHT NOW!!!  She is a little impatient!  So, Fidget, I'm listening...

Success & The Importance of Hope

Success!!!

It is now three days into my Journey towards becoming a healthier/happier version of me.  So far I’ve done pretty well with eating healthfully and being active. I have been using my Herbalife shakes for breakfast and lunch and then trying to keep dinner reasonable.  I have also been playing “Just Dance” on my Wii for half an hour every day.  This has been the most enjoyable part.  I have had so much fun exercising/dancing around in my living room.   I have run into some temptation that, I wont lie, I’ve given into already.  Hubby brought out some cake yesterday while we were watching TV and I just HAD to have some.  I also did have a few onion rings with a meal with my family when we went out to eat.  All in all…still an improvement and even with those cheats I am already down 5 pounds!!!!  In three days!!!  Granted it is probably a lot of water weight but…I’ll take it!!! J

*By the way I actually just weighed myself as I was typing this so I’m just as surprised and excited as I’m sure you are! J lol

The Importance of HOPE

Some thoughts on the Journey and Hope

The force that keeps me driven forward in life (and in this particular endeavor) is HOPE.  HOPE that things will be better.  HOPE that I will be successful.  HOPE that what I’m doing makes a difference.

This journey I’m taking towards health and HOPEfully motherhood has all been driven by these HOPEs. 

I HOPE that I will feel better physically and feel more confident about myself. I keep moving forward with the assumption that I WILL be successful this time and that my journey and successes with my own weight loss will help and inspire others who are struggling with the same things.

It is amazing how these HOPEs are most illuminated in times of difficulty.  One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Romans 5:3-5a which says:

“³ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not disappoint…”

Blessings and HOPE to you all…

Getting Started - Again

Well here I go again. Another New Year's resolution. I resolve to lose weight....again. I have a very long history of losing weight and gaining it back again. A very good friend of mine suggested that my "inner brat" is not happy and is getting the better of me. She explianed that if I don't sit and really listen to what is bothering my inner brat she will continue to tantum and want to eat everything in sight. So...this blog is document my journey towards apeasing my inner brat and taking control over my weight and my health.

I also have a secondary motive to lose weight and get as healthy as possible~

I have always known that I was meant to be a mommy. I have waited years and years to set the stage for my little one. I have always believed that I wanted my children to have the best start possible so I have gone to school to be a child psychologist, I chose a man who is not only my soul mate but who will also be an amazing father to my children, I have worked to get a home and set us up financially so that I can provide the best for my children. Finally, last June (2010) my husband and I decided it was time to start trying for our first child. We tried for several months unsuccessfully and finally in October (2010) we got our first positive pregnancy test!!! We were so happy!!! However, on December 10, 2010 our little angel went to meet Jesus. It was a devastating loss. I was so frustrated that I had waited so long for the perfect timing and had done everything right and we lost our precious baby. We were told to wait 3 months before trying again so sometime in March we will start our journey over again. It has been a tough road so far but I still hold out hope that we will be blessed with another little one to love and a successful second pregnancy. This is why it is so important for me to focus on myself right now and get my mind and body in the best place possible.